Champagne Lecture - Frank Zappa/The Mothers of Invention

You know

A lotsa of people don't bother about their friends in the VEGETABLE KINGDOM

They think "What can I say

What can a person who is new to the Midwest say to a vegetable "

Suss it out wankers

Suss it out wankers

Suss it out wankers

Suss it out wankers

Suss it out wankers

Suss it out wankers

Suss it out wankers

What's the matter with you

Aynsley Dunbar

And after sussed it out wankers

Ok

You go and get yourself a big bottle of champagne

AAAH

Find yourself a young vegetable victim

Yeah

Take your young vegetable victim

Step one now this is very important

You have to do it exactly this way

Bring the band on down behind me boys

This gets technnical First: You get a Polaroid camera

Mothers: Yeah

FZ: And you make one good jump

From a balcony to another balcony on the seventh floor of the Sheraton Hotel in Jacksonville

Aynsley Dunbar ladies and gentlemen

When you land on the other balcony with your Polaroid camera

Something like this

Heeey

Shoot off one good flashbulb catching

The agent will immediately turn around and say

You know I sure would like to have that photograph

You walk up to the agent and say "Well ha

Funny you should mention it

I have this photograph here and just about time to develop it

Yes it turned out great it shows both of you here

And I'll give you this photograph if you'll give me the munchkin vegetable that you're with in order that I might make a few more pictures "

So you make a quick trade

Holding the champagne bottle in abeyance until the rest of the members of your band have jumped over the same balcony

Eeeeeeeeh

And come in and taken their places around the bed where the munchkin vegetable is laid out

Posing: Leg up in the air and legs down legs to the side

Then after some deft manipulation of the vital parts of the munchkin vegetable

Hey I want some baby to hold my tool and squeeze it

With one masterful stroke -you might use several masterful strokes- shake up the magnum of champagne to a foamy froth

Holding your thumb over the end of it

No no no not the cork in Frank

You pull the cork out

Suss it out wankers

They're a hip audience Frank

They know what's gonna happen next

After the band has given you their complete attention

And is watching closely for the precise moment of the detonation of the alcoholic beverage into the vital organ you give a sort of casual glance around the bedroom of the Sheraton

A suave little smile and wink one eye

Adjust your bow tie and just stuff it right in there

Aaaah

And then you tell 'em how you feel

You whip it right out take a snort off of it

How do you feel