At precisely eight-o-five

Doctor Frederick von Meier

Will attempt his famous dive

Through a solid sheet of luminescent fire.

In the center of the ring

They are torturing a bear

And although he cannot sing

They can make him whistle Londondderry Air

And the price is right,

The cost of one admission is your mind

We shall shortly institute

A synopticon of fear

While it's painful, it will suit

Many customers whose appetities are queer

Or for those who wish to pay

There are children you can bleed

In a most peculiar way

We can give you all the instruments you'll need

And the price is right,

The cost of one admission is your mind

If you're harder yet to serve

We have most delightful dreams;

Our recorders will preserve

The intensity and passion of your screams.

For we only aim to please;

It's our customers who gain

As their appetities increase

They must come to us for pleasure and for pain.

And the price is right,

The cost of one admission is your mind.